Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
