man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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