So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Houston, we have a squirter
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
