Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
