if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
