so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
