i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
