It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
two words: eviction party
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
