Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
