There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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