i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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