Betty ford says i'm here all night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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