Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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