Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
