Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
