so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
