I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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