I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
