I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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