Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
