I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
