Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
