I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
