she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
