Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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