I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My bed smells like the plague
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
