i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
