Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
