Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
