all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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