i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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