I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
