can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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