I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
