did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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