Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
