the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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