listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
