Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
operation have a gay friend backfired
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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