I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
