I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
