she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
