you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
