I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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