i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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