yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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