Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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