Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
