By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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