Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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