tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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