so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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