I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
