I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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