somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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