You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
