final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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