the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My vagina is officially offended.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
