In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
