Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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