Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
