put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize