Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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