I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
