Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
