he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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