just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
