all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
