my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
