I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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