I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You just made me feel so damn special
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
