I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
