Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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