kristin has been a bad kristin
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
