I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
