Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
