I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
