come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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