In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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