So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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