I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
