I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
