I CAN MOONWALK!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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