well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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