I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize