Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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