just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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