I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
