Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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