We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
