Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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