Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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