This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
