I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
