There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
