I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We left an ass print on the piano.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
