Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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