i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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