I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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