Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
