I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
