it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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