in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
