Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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