I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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